Living through uncertainty

I wanted to share a thought with you this morning. The realisation starting to hit me that I am feeling a little more anxious at the moment. I then accepted that I find this time of year a little tricky. The weather doesn’t help, especially when it is a rather grey and overcast sky, which it has been for the last few days. And of course the shorter days (although they are starting to draw out now) emphasise the darkness. 

However, these are not the main reasons. I believe it has a lot to do with a combination of a past experience and the build up to a significant date in the calendar. Over the last few weeks the fact that I live with a non malignant brain tumour has entered my thoughts a little more. The reason, I have my annual MRI scan at the beginning of March to check whether it has remain stable. Also, it was in March 2015 (the 10th to be exact) that suddenly my deteriorated health and what I was living through culminated in being admitted to Kings College Hospital, on an urgent basis to have brain surgery on Friday the 13th. 

So you see, I’m just a little anxious, as this period in particular continues to provide some uncertainty. I’m sharing this now because you may also feel like you are living though uncertainty, whether it is due to illness or whether it is continuing concerns with COVID 19. If you are, and if you start to recognise and also accept a sense of anxiety, then I urge you to talk with and alert those close to you, especially your family members, your spouse and children.

The reason is, that a person’s anxiety can translate into ‘flying off the handle’, when you would never ‘normally’ do that. That leads to tension and possible upset, which can then make you feel even more anxious, because you know in your heart that you don’t wish to hurt anyone. And it’s important to recognise that it can trigger anger which can escalate to abuse (emotional and physical). I wish to add at this point, that any feeling of anxiety I have experienced has never led to abuse (either by me or too me), although I am guilty of being angry on the occasional basis, and probably triggering it (as well as upset) in others, for which I apologise. 

I hope you have found this short post of some use, as we all continue to experience a time of uncertainty, but thankfully, with the vaccine becoming more widely available, we have hope that it may be possible to look forward to a spring and summer that brings more joy and colour into all our lives.